Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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