Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
