I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
