He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
