before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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