Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
