she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
