he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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