No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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