Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
