my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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