The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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