I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
