it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
