and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
