I heard we made out
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
