1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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