No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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