When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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