and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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