we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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