Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
