I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
