when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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