I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
