hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
