i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
