just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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