Sry I called you an 8
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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