Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
