don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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