I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
