That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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