Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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