If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i dont even know how to be here
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
