Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
