I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
