i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
