An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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