I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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