Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
