Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
