Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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