This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
