And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
