well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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