I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
