I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Found your dick twin last night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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