Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
