he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
