i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
