I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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