She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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