Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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