Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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