I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
